Please Turn All Cellphones Off
by THESherlockian
Summary: AU Destiel- Gabriel finally managed to convince Castiel to take a night off. But the guy sitting in the row behind them at the movie theater keeps talking on his freakin' cellphone. Gabriel snaps, and Castiel feels the need to apologize after the movie is over. [one-shot]


Disclaimer: None of this is mine. The genie was a scam artist, so my wish didn't work, unfortunately :( The prompt is from a tumblr post (I have, unfortunately, lost the link, so if anyone knows it, send me a message and we can be besties for life), so don't credit me for the idea. I'm not that cool

Quick note, Cas is asexual in this fic. I myself am not asexual, so my knowledge is not incredibly extensive. It only touches on it for about a paragraph, and it's pretty vague. Despite that, if my info is wrong or offensive PLEASE tell me. The last thing I want is to offend someone.

With the un-sexy stuff out of the way, I hope you enjoy

* * *

Gabriel says he needs this, but Castiel honestly would rather be at the lab right about now. Sure, he would be a liar if he said he hadn't spent more than a night or two hunched over the exam table. But dammit, Castiel was _busy_. The knotted shoulders and sore back were worth the valuable data he was supplying, regarding a highly dangerous and fatal disease that was currently wiping out small villages in Southeast Asia, and was slowly spreading as people attempted to escape their disease ridden homes, effectively spreading the virus as they traveled in a vain attempt to flee.

"Just one night off, little brother, " Gabriel had said, as he persuaded Castiel to catch the new 'thrilling, box-office adventure film', "Just one night, and then you can go back to slowly killing yourself for lack of fun."

"Gabriel, you and I both know that 'lack of fun' could not, and will not, kill me. If anything, carelessness and petri dishes will kill me. Not that it is in any way likely."

Gabriel had laughed at that, always amused by his younger brother's lack of social grace. As a young boy, Castiel had been full of invigorating energy. Now, as a fully-grown man, Castiel was not one who was invited to many parties. It was a joke amongst the Novak family, that someone must have 'stolen his grace, poor angel.' Castiel fully resented the joke, never understanding why his family members insisted upon comparing him to things that didn't exist, an angel no less. Unfortunately, this only fueled his family and their strange humor. Castiel didn't have time for their ridiculousness. He had work to do.

"Oh Cassie, you are always such a delight. Whether you like it or not, you are taking a night off with your big brother. We'll catch a movie, maybe dinner or something. We can check out the bar a block away from the movie and try our luck with that scene."

"It is Castiel, Gabriel. Not 'Cassie'. How many times must I tell you? Not that it matters." Castiel shook his head in frustration, "And if this is what it will take, I will indulge you. Just this once. And for your information, I have no interest in checking out 'that scene'."

"Awww, you are no fun. None!"

"So I'm told."

Castiel finally relented, and allowed his older brother to kidnap him at the end of the usual workday. His coworkers were more than surprised when he left the labs at the same time as everybody else for once. Castiel drove to the local movie theater, where the two brothers had previously agreed on meeting. Gabriel was convinced he might be able to score a date at some bar that night, so they didn't drive together. They met in the theater lobby, where Gabe hurriedly ushered Castiel into the screening room. They were a bit early, so they had some time to watch the commercials and chat for a bit. Despite the humorous front he put up, Gabriel, unlike many of the Novak brothers, could actually hold up a decent conversation about Castiel's work. Most of the boys were incredibly religious, so they had certain prerequisites regarding the world of science. Unlike many religious types, these were convinced that science was the work of the devil, and should be avoided at all costs. So naturally Lucifer loved to talk about it, as long as it upset his fellow Novak children. Gabriel liked to hear about new updates, but had difficulty grasping the deep concepts. After all, he was no scientist, doctor, or scholar. Castiel actually had no clue what he did for a living. He had long since given up when it came to Gabriel's work, as he would often deflect the question. Despite the fact that there was no evidence he actually had a job, he still had a decent car, larger house, and a whole bunch of dogs. Feeding those things got expensive, but it didn't seem to bother Gabriel.

The movie had been out for a while, so the theater was more or less empty. A couple seated near the front, a gangly teenager right next to the stars, and the Novak brothers. Castiel and Gabe were seated near the back, a few rows in front of the farthest possible row. Just as the lights were dimming, and the starting credits began to roll, a straggler waltzed in and made their way towards the back. He, Castiel could identify the gender once they approached, sat in the row directly behind Castiel, a few seats further towards the left, so he wasn't directly behind the brothers.

Much to the annoyance of the entire audience, a voice rang out, coming from the back, "Oh, hey Sammy. Nah, I'm not busy. What's up?"

Both Castiel and Gabriel craned their heads around, glaring at the offensive sound. The man was on his cellphone, leaning back comfortably in his seat.

"Sweet, man. I'm glad you two are happy. I always liked Jess. So how's Harvard treating you?" a laugh, then, "aw, dude, that sucks a whole bag of- oh… that's a good thing? Damn. There's a reason I didn't go to college." The man joked.

"Is he serious right now?" Gabriel whispered in Castiel's ear.

"It appears so." Castiel confirmed.

"Can you hear me now?" the man said, his voice rising in volume, "sorry Sam, I'm at a movie. Dude, don't get your granny panties in a twist, there's barely anyone here. It's been out for a while." He paused every few seconds, supposedly listening to what was coming from the other side of the speaker, "Yeah, that's the one. The one where the mother dies. Dude, I know! Talk about plot twists. I mean, when you found out she was never actually dead, and was the kidnapper the entire time? Talk about crazy." There was a collective groan from the audience, as the man managed to spoil the entire movie. Gabriel continued to glare daggers at the man, while Castiel silently hoped he wouldn't make a scene.

The conversation going on between to man and this 'Sam' went on for about ten more minutes, his volume steadily rising so he could be heard above the movie playing.

"I can't take this anymore." Gabriel grumbled.

Too late, Castiel said, "Gabriel, please-"

"Hey! Dickwad!" Gabriel shouted pulling all the attention in the room towards the back. Castiel shrank in his seat, wincing. "We're trying to watch the movie. If you're gonna be an inconsiderate douche, please go outside and do it there!"

Everyone gaped, including the attractive offender. "I'm gonna have to call you back, Sam." He said into the receiver. "You talking to me?"

"No," Gabriel said as sarcastically as was possible, "I was talking to the other big bag of dicks talking over the movie and spoiling it for everyone."

"You're telling me you haven't seen this joke before?"

"No, I haven't. Even if I had, I payed money to see the joke, not listen to you drone on for fifteen minutes, you asshat."

He sighed, "Fine. I'm not gonna get into this with you, little man."

"Gee thanks, you uneducated, spoiled, rude-" he was cut off when Castiel slapped him upside the head, effectively cutting off his rant.

"Gabriel, enough." Castiel seethed, smoke nearly pouring out of his ears, "This is my one night off. My one. Night. I am not keen on spending it like this. Let us just watch the movie. Please?"

Gabe sighed, "You're right, Cassie. I'm sorry."

"Castiel." He grumbled, turning his attention back to the screen, earning a light chuckle from his brother. Unbeknownst to either man, two eyes were glued to them, watching the whole interaction and finding it much more interesting than what was happening on screen

* * *

When the final credits rolled onto the screen, Castiel rolled his head to work out the kinks. Just like the man predicted, the previously assumed dead mother was the perpetrator. Also like he predicted, it was a complete joke, and waste of time. But, despite the fact that the man had effectively ruined the movie, Castiel felt guilty for allowing his brother's outburst. So, as they left the screening room, Castiel hurried to catch up with the retreating leather jacket as it sauntered out.

"Hello." Castiel began, "I would like to apologize for Gabriel. It was not one of his finer moments.

"Oh, that's alright. No harm, no foul. It was my fault, anyway. Shouldn't have been talking during a movie."

"Maybe, but he was still out of line."

"Still. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin your date."

Castiel nearly choked, his eyes widening in absolute horror, "Gabriel is my brother."

This was met with a gut-wrenching laugh, sending the man to tears. When he finally managed to control himself, the man wiped his eyes and smiled, "Oh my god, my bad. You two look nothing alike."

"Yes, we get that frequently. Surprisingly, my mother and father were never unloyal to one another."

"I bet. So, is there a boyfriend? Or girlfriend? Or gender fluid- friend? I'm not sure of the term for that…"

"No, I am not in a relationship, if that is what you are asking." Castiel said, completely unaware of the dashing grin he was receiving.

"Well then, how about a drink? There's a great place real close. I'm Dean, by the way."

"Castiel. Pleasure, but I don't-"

Gabriel, who had swung an arm around his little brother's neck, interrupted Castiel. "Don't be rude, Cassie. The man offered to buy you liquor."

"All the same, Gabriel, I really must be getting home-"

"Come on, Castiel. Tomorrow is Saturday. Take a day off for once. You've been working at that lab for what, four years? I heard the gossip is that you barely even sleep. Your coworkers think you're some sort of robot. So, take this weekend off. You get a few drinks, and I'll find some young businessman who is desperate in his unfulfilling marriage. Have some fun for once."

"Castiel looked hesitantly between his brother and Dean, who was looking incredibly hopeful.

"Fine."

* * *

"So I say, look, there's no way those two will work well on this. They're always contradicting each other and can't just put aside their issues and work on their chemical theories. But of course, he don't listen to me, and assign them both to work on this project. Sure enough, two days later, their lab is a mess, and no work has been done!" It's been several hours since the three men entered the bar. Gabe is in some corner flirting shamelessly, and Castiel has drunk a bit more than he intended.

Both he and Dean sit at the bar, trading stories about work, family, and other drama. Castiel just finished his fourth round, and isn't as calm and collected as usual. His tie is crooked and loosened, her trench coat and suit jacket hung haphazardly over the back of his chair. Dean has had just as much to drink as the man sitting next to him, but is barely affected; the man can hold his liquor. Dean, similarly to Castiel, has hung his leather jacket over the back of his chair. Throughout the night, Dean has carefully observed Castiel, taking in everything, from his fluffy black hair, to his bright blue eyes, to his obvious frustrated posture whenever he talked bout his older brothers.

Similarly, Castiel had observed Dean all night. Light brown hair, green eyes, freckles, and wide shoulders didn't stimulate Castiel, no matter how many drinks he had. But, he found himself growing rather fond of the obviously heartfelt adoration the man felt for his little brother, his car, and pie. When the train of conversation led to relationships, Castiel squirmed a bit in his seat.

"Cas?" Dean had assigned the nickname earlier on in the evening, "something wrong?"

"No. I've just, um, never had much in the way of intimate relationships, They don't interest me.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, confused.

Castiel sighed, "I'm not really all that attracted to people. I'm asexual, so sexual intercourse doesn't really interest me."

"Oh." Dean said, the happy tone of conversation drained. "So, if you don't mind me asking, are you romantically attracted to people, or are you not interested in any of that?"

"Well, many people interpret love as something that has to involve that level of intimacy, so it's hard for me to be in relationships. It's true that I'm not attracted to people sexually, but I still like people, you know? I just don't want… that. If you can understand what I mean."

A pause, before, "Yeah, I think so." A few more moments passed before Dean smiled and said, "Sounds like the setup for a bad joke. An asexual and a bi guy walk into a bar…"

Castiel laughs, and raises his glass back up to his lips. Dean joins him, and motions to the bartender for another round.

* * *

The two spend quite a while longer in the bar, talking about every conceivable subject. Gabriel had left earlier on in the night; his date getting a bit handsy before they even stepped out the door.

A few rounds later the bartender cut them off. Dean was at the same level Cas had been on his first drink, and could easily be mistaken as completely sober. Castiel on the other hand, had long since passed the point of no return. Dean ordered him a glass of water, and asked the bartender to keep his glass topped off to hopefully minimize the effect of the hangover sure to come with a vengeance the next morning. The next hour or so was spent with Cas constantly drinking from his water and complaining about the mediocrity of high heeled shoes while Dean sat back and tried not to fall off the seat from laughing so hard. When he was sober, Castiel was intelligent, insightful, and respectable. When he had been drinking, he was absolutely hilarious.

When Dean knew that water had done all the good it was going to do, he paid the tab and shepherded Cas to the sleek Chevy impala, nowhere close to allowing Castiel to drive himself home. In his state, the man was in no place to argue, and dissolved into a puddle in the passenger seat. He gave Dean directions to his apartment, and soon drifted off.

* * *

The next morning, Cas woke up to the worst headache of his life a note stuck to his face. Castiel quickly vomited, giving himself fifteen minutes before he would allow himself to ingest anything, then turned his attention to the note, scribbled hastily on a post-it.

_Dear Cas,_  
_You were out cold, so I got you up to your apartment and put you on the couch. Found your key in your pocket. Had a real good time. Hope to see you again some time._  
_Dean_

Underneath the short message was a phone number and instructions to call if he wanted, or if he needed help getting his car back, which was still in the parking lot back at the bar.

Castiel stared at the note, puzzled. Not only did he have no memory of being carried to his apartment, but was not used to being pursued. Of course he saw it all now; the flirty looks, the phone number. He wasn't accustomed to it, but it was still nice. Cas did like Dean, and was grateful that Dean hadn't taken advantage of his drunk ass the previous night.

Castiel reread the note, and set it down on his nightstand. He rubbed his eyes, got himself a glass of water, and called Gabriel. Once the preliminary 'om double g my little bro bro got a guys number' was over, Gabriel got down to serious business.

"Are you going to call him, or what?

Castiel thought for a moment, but he already knew the answer. "I believe I will, Gabriel. Later in the afternoon, when my headache goes away. But I will."


End file.
